dear ex boyfriend please stay out of my dreams.

Last night I was crying. Because i'm going through a terrible break up with BYU Idaho. I got stuck with Fall/Spring which means I go one semester from September to December and another from May to July. It's very inconvenient. Needless to say BYU Idaho was crossed off the options list. Not that I ever wanted to go  there anyway.
Going to bed upset is good for nothing! nothing, i tell ya! because my dream last night began and ended with real life ex boyfriend.

Shout out to Blake for being awesome and photo shopping her head over ex boyfriends. it will forever make me laugh. So let's talk ex boyfriend for a minute. I'm totally over him. Not that it's hard to get over someone when they lie about certain extracurricular activities that they're involved in that are illegal everywhere but Colorado. Colorado and somewhere else? Doesn't matter. For our entire relationship he lied. Which is just lamesauce if you ask me. You don't use the Mormon girl. Or really anyone for that matter. But whatever, i'm not the one who got arrested and lied about it. 

Vengeful? Me? Not the slightest.

But Ex Boyfriend plagued my dreams last night.

I'm going to blame it on PMS.

But this dream for reals. Awesome doesn't begin to describe it. It's a dream for a journal to say the least. But you should have seen the Sarah in my dream tell him off! Totally not me in real life. I would just end up feeling bad and apologize.

Anyway.

This post isn't going anywhere, really. 

But that's okay.

Happy Friday, Kids.

xoxo.

moments as of late.

approximately two minutes ago. I know you love my monday-tuesday hair.

As of Saturday I have officially lost five pounds. Ten more to go before I reach my goal. This may seem silly, but I decided it was finally time to deal with the fifteen pounds I slowly and unknowingly put on when we moved here two years ago. So back to the gym I went. 

It's amazing, really, how much better I feel after an hour on the treadmill working really hard. Granted sometimes I feel like i'm going to die but then the endorphin's kick in and nothing in the world is wrong that can't be fixed. maybe i'm exaggerating a tad. but seriously, exercising is the most selfish and selfless thing I do in my daily routine now. 

I spent my weekend serving coffee to eager, stressed, anxious, peppy, target customers. This whole barista thing is a whole other world. I thought that people were only picky about their coffee in movies. I was wrong. For the record, a Venti Breve quad three and a half pump cinnamon dolce latte is not the same thing as a plain latte. still not sure why they let me, the non coffee drinking human, behind the counter at starbucks. but they did, and word on the street is i make a killer latte. 

When I was not pleasing caffeine addicts, I was sitting on my couch obsessing over my upcoming New York  City trip. and by upcoming I really mean 101 days not including today. I probably shouldn't spend twelve of the eighteen hours i'm awake each day thinking about it. but i mean IT'S NEW YORK CITY so obviously it's justified. 

Not justified however, is the insane amount of tests I have at school this week. like ten. and i only have three classes. Makes it really difficult to senior slide, ya know? 

On another school related note, BYU has nine days to reject me. NINE. I have checked my email more times in the past three months than in the four years i've had a cell phone and found email slightly irrelevant...sorry email!

Anyway. Lunch is almost over and I have a larger than life test next block that I should probably have studied for more than I did...living on the edge?

Happy monday-tuesday! bleh.

These streets will make you feel brand new, their lights will inspire you.

which is exactly why i'm going back. less than twelve hours after i graduate, to be exact. I've always felt that i'll end up in this city. I know it would be hard, it costs more, you live in shoe box sized apartments that cost the equivalent of a five bedroom house in the suburbs, grass can be a thirty minute walk away. but the city. the city where everyone is always going somewhere, doing something. so even though before I end up here I have college, most likely marriage, etc. I can visit. visit and pretend i'm not a tourist. That will just have to be enough for now.
and obsess over this lovely blog her name is Natalie and she's living my dream life, shoe box apartment and all.

A world you no longer belong to.

Valentines day has a way of making everyone who doesn't have a significant other bitter. To that I say nay.
Being single on valentines day is the same as being single any other day.
If I don't hate being single on the thirteenth of February, who says I have to be on the fourteenth?
No one, that's who.
Here's the deal, it's not valentines day I hate, it's heart week.

Monday we had a pep fest to get everyone all school spirity and stuff. I opted out of attending said pep fest and ate sandwiches with my mother instead. it's a lot cooler than it sounds, okay?
enough with the rambling.
my school spirit is at approximately a negative six.
I wake up.
Go to seminary.
Go to school.
Go home.
Repeat.
I no longer belong to this world of children that think the most important things include singing valentines and making out in the hallway. I'm ready to grow up and graduate and have responsibilities that are greater than making my bed in the morning.
This is freshman floor, kids:

I thought i'd walk across it just for fun.
NEVER AGAIN.
anyway, it's kind of stinky that there are still four months of school left. i'm really just done. senior slide times seven.
I hope your day of hearts was lovely.

Sarah.

The list.

Some people tell me that I have unrealistic expectations for my future husband. I think i'm just setting my standards high. Obviously when the time to think about marriage comes i'm not going to pull out my list and be like "oops, you're a better cook than I am, and i'm only interested in someone who can cook almost as well as I can." Then give him the boot. I have the must haves and the would be nice's.
don't laugh.

Must Have:

• Loves the Lord
• Treats his mother with respect
• Returned Missionary
• Gets along well with my parents and siblings.
• Desire to work hard and provide for a family.
• The ability to communicate
• Honesty and integrity
• Wants to have a big family.
• Kind

Would be nice

• 6"3 or taller
• Dark hair, dark eyes
• Can cook almost as well as I can
• Smart (specifically in math so my children don't only get stuck with bad-at-math genes)
• Musically talented, preferably piano so he can play beautiful music. also, so I can justify owning a piano.
• Doesn't want to live in one place for the rest of our lives.
• Comes from a good family
• Spontaneous
• Someone who would follow me to New York
• Someone who can relate to my life and I can relate to his. 
• Loves to try new things

I think the best part about knowing what I want to look for in a future spouse, is in the end only the top ones really matter. the others are silly teenage girl dreams for the perfect man. If he actually exists, let me know. Otherwise, i'll happily take a great one.

Back in the day.

Yesterday when I was at the dentist they told me that the next time I was there I would be able to sign my own consent forms. That was when it hit me. I'm growing up. Weird. The picture above is from freshman year. I thought I had it all and knew everything. Looking back I knew even less than I did now. So much to learn, and not a lot of time to learn it. 

What I realized at 11:59 PM last night.

Mormon Dance. Four hundred teenagers crowded around each other waiting for the clock to strike midnight, for a new start. One of the things I wanted before we put 2012 behind us was closure. I didn't want to feel like a certain someone owed me an explanation as to why they lied to me our entire relationship. I wanted the truth and I wanted to leave it with last year. But I've been ignoring him since October and am too stubborn to break the silence. One conversation, he owed me that. But as the balloons were about to drop at the strike of midnight, I realized I already had the closure I needed. I don't miss him, I don't even think we should be friends. We are not supposed to be in each others lives anymore. I am not sure if we ever were supposed to be in the first place, but we were. It is time to look towards the future and forget the boy who thought it was okay to lie. Moving on to a better time for both of us. Also remembering that there were some good times. No bitterness, wishing him the best. But looking towards a new year without old drama. So when the clock struck twelve and screams filled the room I smiled. Because everything is new, and I don't have to bring any of the old with me if i don't want to.
Happy New Year.

Sarah Smith.