I want to go back, to close my eyes only for a moment and imagine my life how it used to be. sometimes when i wake up i forget that i'm not in my old room anymore, expect to hear the noise of feet above me as maya and ethan chase eachother arround upstairs. what i would give to go back to those times. sometimes, when i'm having a really bad day i'll write about how things used to be, how fast my days went by with school, basketball, friends, homework, and dinner. and how happy i was each night as i climbed into bed and looked forward to starting my next day. of course eventually the time comes when i have to face reality again, open my eyes, and realize that that's not my world anymore, i live here now.
School has been unbelieveably difficult, and i guess that's why i haven't blogged. why blog about school if it's such a torture chamber for me? i dread waking up and having to face another eight hours of people ignoring me and clark at school, not even talking to us. i yearn for the weekend to come again even before it's over.it seems like a lifetime has passed since the first day of school, but yet that was only less than three weeks ago. i yearn for summer to come again so that i can see my friends, escape rockford and never have to come back. i pray that i'll be able to get into one of the other two highschools arround here, hoping that next year they will make room for a junior and a sophmore so clark and i can escape the wrath that we're getting here. i never thought that school was going to be this difficult, that three months after we moved i'd only have friends that were in my ward, friends that i only get to see twice a week.
the one thing that has helped me to get through this is early morning seminary. even though getting up at four thirty in the morning is always a struggle, i leave seminary and head to school with the knowledge that even though i don't fare well with the kids at school, even though nobody talks to me, i always will have the lord on my side, and i can always pray to help me through things. that being said, i never in a million years imagined that moving would be this difficult, that i would spend just as many nights wishing to have my old life back as i had wishing to get out of it. i don't even know if i want to play basketball anymore. why should i if none of the girls on the team even acknowledge my presence? i want to prove them wrong though, show them that even though this move has taken away my social life, my best friends, my house, my life in general, that they can't take the one thing i love the most away from me, that i am going to be out there dominating that court, proving to them that they were wrong, and that they do need me. but every time i decide that's what i'm going to do, i'm completely over come with these complete and total anxiety attacks.
I think that i like it here in minnesota though, i love our house, i love our neighborhood, and the people in it. i love my ward, and our stake. everyone has been so welcoming. i just hate my school, and seeing as that's where i'm going to be spending eight hours five days a week for the next nine months that really needs to change. i always wondered why we moved, why that job offer kept comming back to my dad. then it hit me. what if i'm supposed to learn something about myself through this? what if who i become this year is majorly influenced by the school i'm at, the people i have to stand up for what i believe in to. i guess we'll just have to wait and see. i'm sorry to all the unfortunate whom have stumbled across this blog post. i just have to where else to say this, and so here is stays. i'm just going to continue to pray and have faith that it will get better because what else can i do? it's not like i can give up. so yeah. maybe me next blog post will be better. we'll see. i haven't blogged about the jonas brothers lately. maybe it's because i'm not a super crazily obsessed fan anymore. it's nice to pretend though. we'll see how things turn out though. talk to you all later deal? deal.
love forever and always,
Sarah Leslie
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
gone are the days of summer. we couldn't change them if we tried.
well. here i sit. typing on my computer, trying to figure out how in the heck summer went by so fast. *sigh* yes people, in less than twelve hours i will be sentencing myself to nine months of sleepless, stressful, school. oh the joys. normally i love most of school. cept for the homework and stuff which isn't so bad when you conisder the social aspect. it will be nice when i feel that way again. but right now i'm just a nervous sophmore who moved halfway across the united states and is going to a completely new highschool. i'm stressing out about it right now but i know that it all will work out in the end. i just keep reminding myself of my grandma sandra's phrase 'faith not fear' i've written it on everything. and i know that everything will be okay. since so much has happened this past summer i think now would be a good time to reflect on everything that has happened in the past three and a half months. what has inevetably made me a much better, and stronger person. people, this is my summer, this is my song.
May 22nd 2010 It's seven at night and i step into Maiya's car expecting to see letters to juliet. instead i am brought to tears by one of the biggest suprises ever. sister steph's house filled with all of the people i love most, there to say goodbye. this was when my summer really started.
May 28th 2010 our moving truck shows up at our house, there to take away every last item in there and ship it away to wonderland...or minnesota. it's all the same right?
May 30th 2010 as we listen to miley cyrus' the time of our lives, we pull out of the driveway of our home for the last time. i don't remember the last time i cried so hard.
June 3rd 2010 our car crosses the minnesota border and i become welcomed to my new home. i can't believe that i live here. in such a beautiful place. i mean sure i miss the mountains, but the killer thunderstorms and loads of trees make up for it completely.
June 21st 2010 having lived in minnesota for only two weeks i pick up my life and get shipped to girls camp. monday we left on a two day backpacking trip in which it poured rain the entire time. even though i was close to having an emotional and physical breakdown the entire time i walked away from it such a stronger person. then it was off to girls camp and the rest of the week. this was when i really got to know the girls in my ward and i love each and every one of them so much. Bryn, Drew, Briana, Erin, Tessa, Emma, Becca, and Victoria...if you're reading this thankyou. so much for everything you have done for me, for reaching out to me and loving me, for being my friend. even though i am a little crazy at times.
June 27th 2010 after being home from girls camp for six hours i hopped on a plane back to salt lake city to finish up what i needed to do there. i went back to my old ward and really said goodbye.
June 28th-July 3rd 2010 E F Y! what a fantastic week at that! i went with Maiya and not only was it one of the most spiritual weeks i have ever had, but i met some of the most amazing people there, ones i will be friends with for a long time. i can't wait to go back next year! i'm even more excited for maiya to come up here and visit me next summer...too bad that's nine months away.
July 3rd-July 5th 2010 i stayed with Christina for the weekend in between my craziness and boy was i glad i did! we had so much fun and recklessness. like we always do. i also suprised julia with a quick visit, and after not having seen her for three months the short two minutes i was with her was much needed.
July 5th-July 8th 2010 BYU basketball camp. it was one of the hardest weeks of my life and yet i became such a better player because of it. although i have to admit that after two weeks straight of cannon center food i am convinced that i couldn't live in heleman halls.
July 8th 2010 i stayed with the sellers which was fantastic.
July 9th 2010 after one final trip to asian buffet and sonic, courtney and i rented remember me and had one last sleepover. i'll miss our shopping trips and random laughs more than anything. i love you cactus butt.
July 10th 2010 i was supposed to fly home this day but my flight was cancelled and so i stayed with christina again...although she felt it was necessary to inflict pain upon herself by going to the justin bieber concert that night. just saying...it's probably why she is the way she is. even though i still love her :p
July 11th 2010 flight home to minnesota. it was good to be back but my family had lived there for almost a month and a half and i had spent a mere two weeks there. i was a stranger in my own world.
August 10th 2010 i started drivers ed with Tessa. i loved it. even though it was completely horrible. our drivers ed instructor was named linda and i can't wait to have behind the wheel with her. it will be the most entertaining six hours of my life. i passed the permit test two weeks later and have been driving safely on the roads (with my mom in the car of course) you'd be suprised to hear that i havn't killed anyone yet! heck, i havn't even had a run in with any of the mail boxes...although i have come close haha.
August 28th 2010 FINALLY i got to see wicked.
September 2nd-September 6th 2010 camping trip with the cousins. while going on this trip (which i was forced to go on) meant that i was going to have to miss the preimere of camp rock 2 the final jam, and spend my last day of summer driving home, smelling like wet dog i would do it all over again...PLUS we even got to see the biggest ball of twine in minnesota...wierd al wrote a song about it...go on youtube now!!
September 6th 2010 i finally got to see cr2 and i was definitely impressed. yes i cried during wouldn't change a thing, and when they kissed, and when the movie was over, and in the middle...heck i was bawling my eyes out for half the movie...and for no apparrant reason! i can't wait for camp rock three now! oh and also i want to kiss joe jonas more than ever now. so what if that makes me a creeper.
so lalala this was my summer. i know that more happened in between these events but these are all i can think of. so thankyou. to everyone who reads this silly blog of mine for putting up with my lack of blogging as i tried to adjust to my new world, tried to figure out who i am as a person, and other stuff. i'm not sure what this school year is going to bring but i know that whatever happens i am going to walk away a stronger, better, and happier person. i can already tell you how excited i am for next summer! for turning sixteen, for my first date, everything makes me only want to smile. but right now i'm just gonna live in the present...and write people lots of letters...you write me and i'll write you back...that sort of thing. heck, i have to get on top of things soon...like very soon. like it's ten at night and i still don't know what i'm going to wear tomorow soon...if that made any sense. so yeah. i guess there is only one more thing that i have to say and i really don't want to say it beccause then everything becomes so real. well here it goes.
G O O D B Y E S U M M E R
~sarah leslie
May 22nd 2010 It's seven at night and i step into Maiya's car expecting to see letters to juliet. instead i am brought to tears by one of the biggest suprises ever. sister steph's house filled with all of the people i love most, there to say goodbye. this was when my summer really started.
May 28th 2010 our moving truck shows up at our house, there to take away every last item in there and ship it away to wonderland...or minnesota. it's all the same right?
May 30th 2010 as we listen to miley cyrus' the time of our lives, we pull out of the driveway of our home for the last time. i don't remember the last time i cried so hard.
June 3rd 2010 our car crosses the minnesota border and i become welcomed to my new home. i can't believe that i live here. in such a beautiful place. i mean sure i miss the mountains, but the killer thunderstorms and loads of trees make up for it completely.
June 21st 2010 having lived in minnesota for only two weeks i pick up my life and get shipped to girls camp. monday we left on a two day backpacking trip in which it poured rain the entire time. even though i was close to having an emotional and physical breakdown the entire time i walked away from it such a stronger person. then it was off to girls camp and the rest of the week. this was when i really got to know the girls in my ward and i love each and every one of them so much. Bryn, Drew, Briana, Erin, Tessa, Emma, Becca, and Victoria...if you're reading this thankyou. so much for everything you have done for me, for reaching out to me and loving me, for being my friend. even though i am a little crazy at times.
June 27th 2010 after being home from girls camp for six hours i hopped on a plane back to salt lake city to finish up what i needed to do there. i went back to my old ward and really said goodbye.
June 28th-July 3rd 2010 E F Y! what a fantastic week at that! i went with Maiya and not only was it one of the most spiritual weeks i have ever had, but i met some of the most amazing people there, ones i will be friends with for a long time. i can't wait to go back next year! i'm even more excited for maiya to come up here and visit me next summer...too bad that's nine months away.
July 3rd-July 5th 2010 i stayed with Christina for the weekend in between my craziness and boy was i glad i did! we had so much fun and recklessness. like we always do. i also suprised julia with a quick visit, and after not having seen her for three months the short two minutes i was with her was much needed.
July 5th-July 8th 2010 BYU basketball camp. it was one of the hardest weeks of my life and yet i became such a better player because of it. although i have to admit that after two weeks straight of cannon center food i am convinced that i couldn't live in heleman halls.
July 8th 2010 i stayed with the sellers which was fantastic.
July 9th 2010 after one final trip to asian buffet and sonic, courtney and i rented remember me and had one last sleepover. i'll miss our shopping trips and random laughs more than anything. i love you cactus butt.
July 10th 2010 i was supposed to fly home this day but my flight was cancelled and so i stayed with christina again...although she felt it was necessary to inflict pain upon herself by going to the justin bieber concert that night. just saying...it's probably why she is the way she is. even though i still love her :p
July 11th 2010 flight home to minnesota. it was good to be back but my family had lived there for almost a month and a half and i had spent a mere two weeks there. i was a stranger in my own world.
August 10th 2010 i started drivers ed with Tessa. i loved it. even though it was completely horrible. our drivers ed instructor was named linda and i can't wait to have behind the wheel with her. it will be the most entertaining six hours of my life. i passed the permit test two weeks later and have been driving safely on the roads (with my mom in the car of course) you'd be suprised to hear that i havn't killed anyone yet! heck, i havn't even had a run in with any of the mail boxes...although i have come close haha.
August 28th 2010 FINALLY i got to see wicked.
September 2nd-September 6th 2010 camping trip with the cousins. while going on this trip (which i was forced to go on) meant that i was going to have to miss the preimere of camp rock 2 the final jam, and spend my last day of summer driving home, smelling like wet dog i would do it all over again...PLUS we even got to see the biggest ball of twine in minnesota...wierd al wrote a song about it...go on youtube now!!
September 6th 2010 i finally got to see cr2 and i was definitely impressed. yes i cried during wouldn't change a thing, and when they kissed, and when the movie was over, and in the middle...heck i was bawling my eyes out for half the movie...and for no apparrant reason! i can't wait for camp rock three now! oh and also i want to kiss joe jonas more than ever now. so what if that makes me a creeper.
so lalala this was my summer. i know that more happened in between these events but these are all i can think of. so thankyou. to everyone who reads this silly blog of mine for putting up with my lack of blogging as i tried to adjust to my new world, tried to figure out who i am as a person, and other stuff. i'm not sure what this school year is going to bring but i know that whatever happens i am going to walk away a stronger, better, and happier person. i can already tell you how excited i am for next summer! for turning sixteen, for my first date, everything makes me only want to smile. but right now i'm just gonna live in the present...and write people lots of letters...you write me and i'll write you back...that sort of thing. heck, i have to get on top of things soon...like very soon. like it's ten at night and i still don't know what i'm going to wear tomorow soon...if that made any sense. so yeah. i guess there is only one more thing that i have to say and i really don't want to say it beccause then everything becomes so real. well here it goes.
G O O D B Y E S U M M E R
~sarah leslie
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