never grow up

With my sixteenth birthday just three and a half months away, i keep thinking about the future, i have alot of big decisions ahead of me in the next few years. it's crazy to think that in just two and a half years, i'll be off to college, all on my own. i can't even imagine ever being ready for that, i just want to stay here, spend time with my family, and never grow up. but at the same time, i'm at a point in my life where i get to plan my future, and make those decisions that will get me to where i want to be. where do i want to be? ten years from now i see myself married in the temple, and with a few kids. but as far as where do i want to be three years from now? i don't exactly know. honestly, if i could do anything, i'd head straight to the french culinary institute in new york, and see where that takes me. but that's $65,000 i surely don't have. why would i go there, when i could go to byu, and still major in culinary arts. it's not like i'm going to be a head chef at a five star restaurant in new york anyways. but i'm okay with that, i just don't want to settle for less and end up regretting it ten years down the road when i decide i want to open a bakery and don't have the proper training. then there is the other side of me, why not take a risk? if it's really what i love and i work hard enough, it will all pay off in the end. although, i would be plenty content majoring in english, becomming an english teacher, and writing books for the rest of my life. sometimes, i have a hard time thinking about all that stuff though. especially because i'm just so content with the way everything is in my life right now. i have great relationships with my parents and siblings, and i'm finally starting to make friends. plus, last semester i got an A- in MATH. yep. but it seems like i'm always looking to the future, even when i'm not trying to i'll find myself thinking about a trip to utah this summer, what i'll do with who, and how long i'll stay. just wishing that summer could come so i could go back. the other day someone asked me why i wanted to go back so bad if i didn't even like utah that much in the first place. i thought about that for awhile. aside from the fact that my best friend lives there, i have probably the awesomest family on the face of the plante there, and i lived there for seven years, there is also the other part of me that just wants to show all those people who thought that i couldn't do it, who pretended to be sad that we were leaving, and who were secretly relieved that we were leaving mormonville that i did it, i left and i'm comming back a completely different person. REALLY, a completely different person. people keep telling me how proud they are of me, how much of a change they've noticed from when we first arrived here eight months ago to now. it's taken me awhile though to fully grasp just how much i've changed. now that i have, i couldn't be happier. i couldn't be more grateful to be where i am today, to be surrounded by the people i'm surrounded by. to get to wake up every morning and go to early morning seminary, to head to school having felt the spirit for and hour, ready to take on the world...and any crazy teenage mormon questions that have sprung from their mormon knowledge-most of which comes from the mormon episode of south park Grrrreeeaaaatt. but i love it. more than anything. i love being different, i love knowing who i am. and even though i don't exactly know what i want the future to hold, or what big decisions i'm going to make in the next few years, i know that i have the gospel in my life, i have a supportive family who loves me, great friends, and instant communication with the one person who understands me most, the one person who knows exactly what i'm going through, through prayer.

so now we begin yet another week. i can't believe tomorow is the last day of january, it makes me happy and sad at the same time that things are moving this quickly. before i know it, sophmore year will be over, and i will be off on even more summer adventures. but for now, i'll take my slippers and blanket, try and stay warm in this -20* weather, and enjoy where i am now, being who i am.

because i'm a demi fan

she got out of rehab last week, AND i'm so proud of her! i have no judgements against anything she did. i'm just glad she took the time to take care of herself, do what she needed to do. now she can get back to making fantastic music :)

who i am

so basically the title of this post tells all. as does this picture. i'm not really sure why i've felt the need lately to tell people who i am, but i have. after thinking about it for awhile, i've realized it's because in the past seven months i've changed more than i ever thought was humanly possible. i have a hard time explaining to people what's changed, because honestly, i'm still the same crazy spaz i was before i moved. but if you've known me for a long time, or you met me at the beginning of last summer, talking to me now you'd be shocked at how different i am, at the things i've learned. basically, the only thing that hasn't changed are the clothes in my closet, and even then, the stores here are fantastic, and my style has changed from slap-as-much-sparkles-on-as-possible-before-i-leave-the-house. to a more sophisticated, colorful tight-wearing, big floral print, red and pink lipstick, with a black sparkly headband. i'm so confident with the person i am, who i've become. since i've decided i'm so good at making lists, i thought i'd make yet another one explaining all the things that have changed, that have made me who i am.
1. because of the people i'm surrounded by, my new ward, the young women, and my trials, i've gained such a strong testimony.
2. smiling is my favorite thing in the world.
3. i don't care what other people think about me anymore.
okay. so this list is really lackluster, and honestly, doesn't showcase anything. so if you want me to tell you how much i've changed, and the things that have done so, ask me to share my testimony, to try something new, or just give me a call and i could always tell you. second semester starts tomorow and honestly, i'm so excited! it's crazy that half of my first school year here is over. right now i'm just looking forward to the snow melting, the temperatures reaching twenty degrees, doing well in school, and meeting new people. oh...and four months from today...TURNING SIXTEEN. here is too a great few weeks, i can't wait to see how things turn out!

milestone

i did it. i just applied for my first job. i've got to admit, filling out a job application was kinda crazy, i mean am i really old enough for this already? yes, yes i am. i find out in the next 90 days if i actually got the job. i'm hoping i did, because let's face it, i'm turning sixteen this summer! i need to be able to pay for car insurance, gas, and start saving for college. crossing my fingers i get this job! wish me luck? okay then!

love is on its way

so i stayed home from school today. maya broke her arm yesterday and we had to go to the hospital straight from school, didn't get home till almost eight and i still hadn't started my homework. that's okay, i needed a break. and what better way to take a break than to blog, right? eh. so my cousin taylor is getting married in like three months which is great! but that also means a trip to utah! i don't think i've ever been as excited to go back to utah as i am now. in english we just read the play 'our town' which has become one of my new favorite reads. one of the messages that the author is trying to get across is how important it is to be grateful for what you have now, before you die and relize how good you had it. it's caused me to think alot about how lucky i am now, how lucky i've always been. with the move i've developed a horrible tendancy to complain, and to feel bad for myself. i have a hard time dealing with how different things are out here. i don't have as many friends at school, my social life went from being so great to barely existing. i'm so sick of being the new kid, i just want this year of firsts to be over. but i took a moment the other day to make a lists of all the great things that have happened because we've moved, because i live here. i thought i'd share that list with you.
1. my testimony has grown so much stronger.
2. my family has spent more time together
3. i met some of the most amazing young women on the face of the planet who have never once judged me, made me feel like i don't belong, or like i'm not important. quite the opposite actually, i love these girls with all my heart and am so glad that i have them in my life. which brings me to number four.
4. we moved into the greatest ward on the face of the planet.
5.i know who i am and what i want in life.
6. i'm not afraid to be different, i know who i am. my name is sarah smith, i'm a sister, basketball player, friend, aspiring chef, closet guitar player, and i'm a mormon.
7. i quickly learned who my real friends were in utah.
8. i look forward to the little things in life.
9. my favorite days of the week are sunday's and wednesday's because i get to go to church.
10. i get the blessing of going to early morning seminary.
11. my relationship with my siblings has gotten better.
12. i've learned that i can't control everything that happens.
13. my friendships with people in utah have only gotten better.
14. i've met the greatest mormon guys on the face of the planet.
15. i'm writing again.
16. i'm not afraid to be myself.
17. i have such a better relationship with cousin Toria, we went from being complete enemies, to best friends in a matter of months.and i'm so glad she lives a mile away and has been able to help me through this journey.

there are so many more, but these are my favorites. so going back to what i said about april, and being excited to go back home. i can't wait! because as great as i have it here, and as much as i love these below zero temperatures, the day i get to land in salt lake city, hug my best friend, family, and party for ten straight days. along with meet new people whom i've become acquainted with because of the move *cough cough james lewis* which will all be fantastic. so things are different here, school is harder, language is worse, modesty isn't even a word. but would i change where i am right now, would i give it up to go back? N E V E R. i've grown so much because of this! i get so excited everytime i look back to a year ago and see how much i've grown. who i am now is just a much better, still majorly spazzy version of who i was then. and i have no doubt that i will continue to grow, and continue to be a better person. then in two and a half years when it's time for me to leave home, and go back to utah for school, i'll be ready.
forever and always,
Sarah Leslie

new years

i'm thoroughly convinced i started out the new year in the best way possible...with all my new mormon friends. though i have resolutions, they are little ones like floss everyday, be an example, continue daily scripture reading and journal writing etc. i'm so ready for this year and all it has in store!

1. Utah trip in april for Taylors wedding (which means i get to play with all my friends AND miss school!)

2. SWEET SIXTEEN!

3.Driving

4.Dating

5.Utah trip #2 for Efy and friends!

6. Maiya visiting

7.Girls camp

that's all i can think of right now but there will be more! lalala.