okay so basically...

lalalalalalala yeah i know. i'm the worst blogger on the face of this planet. and i really don't have any excuses seeing as i blogged the last time over a month ago. my life has become a crazy whirlwind and i really don't know how to explain it. i'm still not sure if i like it here. i was finally starting to get the hang of things and then i left, packed up my bags and flew to utah. i don't know what i was thinking when i did that. it was like dipping your toes into a pool of piranas and expecting to not get eaten alive. i tried to test the waters of my old life, tried to find ways that i could live in both. but after landing back home yesterday night i've realized this is absoloutely not possible. sarah smith, you live here now. it feels as if my summer is flying by, and as if i'm not going to have a chance to just enjoy it. efy was amazing, and basketball camp made me such a better player. and yet i still can't bring myself back to my new world, my new life. all i want more than anything is to get the hang of things here, to become a better person. yet here i sit in my new room feeling like a complete outsider. and all i want is my old life back. but that's not really what i want. i don't want to move back to utah, i don't want to be the same person i was two months ago. i want to live here. i'm mad at the jonas brothers. yeah people i did say that. i'm so angry, so frustrated, that i didn't listen to their music for a freaking day. i don't understand why they had to cancel their concert here, right after i moved here. i wanted so badly to meet them, and i felt so strongly that at the end of this summer i was finally going to get my chance. but noooooo. okay now i just have to stop with the complaining. i'm supposed to be here for a reason. i just don't know that reason yet.don't get me wrong, i'm not the saddest person in the world, i just don't feel like i'm adjusting to this world as fast as i'm supposed to and that is freaking me out. all i want is a routine, a stage of normality for just three years untill i have to pack up my bags and head off to college, and start my new life on my own. i'm not ready for that yet, i'm not ready for alot of things that are headed my way. i promise that my next blog post will be happy, up beat, positive. i just feel like i needed to tell someone this and since nobody really reads my blog anymore i figured it would be a good place to vent. i'm gonna try and pick my life up right now. and become the person i wanted to be for a long time. i'm gonna go now. thanks for listening to me rant on and on about nothingness. all my love,
sarah